When It's Hard to Forgive

Silence filled the courtroom as the mighty judge processed to the front, his footsteps weighted by the influence which wooed an opinionated crowd to respectfully stand. Shaking at the thought of his deserved sentence, the poor offender stood with elbows tucked close to his body, wincing as the jarring sound of the gavel commenced what would become the most memorable trial in the history of the court.


I sometimes find myself wronged by others, placed in a position of seemingly undeserved pain because of the thoughtless actions of other people. This seems quite unfair. What did I do to deserve such heartache? Nothing, if you ask me. It must be my job to bring justice; I must be the judge. From my ledge of hurt, I can identify many weaknesses in the offender, concluding that he must deserve punishment for the way that he has treated me. Yet Jesus calls His followers to a radical lifestyle: release the offender, bless those who persecute you, and forgive as you want to be forgiven. His logic competes with my desire for cause and effect, unraveling my methods of measuring the offender's worthiness to be forgiven.


Jesus understands that the basis of forgiveness is not worthiness. In reality, how can a human even measure worthiness, or "deservance", as I like to call it? "Deservance" is completely subjective and abstract, differing according to the various criteria that each individual values. Unfortunately, what often happens in our quest to determine if someone is "worthy" of our forgiveness is that we measure how much they offended us or hurt our feelings. Surely hurt and degree of sin are correlated; the more hurt I feel, the worse the sin.


The problem is that we, as humans, rely on the very human characteristic of pain (i.e.- emotion) to judge what is ultimately an eternal issue (purity vs. sin). We are not equipped to make such decisions because we see every situation through a very biased lens that orients our opinions and perspectives around the nucleus of ourselves. It is impossible as human-beings to remove ourselves completely from the situations we are analyzing. Thus, there is no guarantee that our conclusions in measuring worthiness are, in fact, unbiased; it's possible that our offense stems from an unrelated insecurity that has been unexpectedly triggered.


Another issue in measuring others' worthiness is the issue of time: the human perspective is inherently restrained from understanding anything except the present and a portion of the past. When we attempt to assess the offender's merit, we can only speak about how we feel right now, relying on the past only as much as the past involved us. Thus, our assessment is very self-centered, neglecting to consider the offender's past or his own human experience. Additionally, we, as humans, lack the foresight to understand how situations will resolve in the future. We cannot see how barriers may, in fact, bring growth, or how an unexpected piece of information may reveal that the offender is not, in fact, the offender. The issues of time and emotion intersect since we ultimately utilize our perceptions of the present to manipulate our agenda for the trial.


On the other hand, God, our Holy Judge, is eternal. He does not operate within the structure of time, which means that He views every situation with the understanding of the offender's full history, as well as his motivations in sin. God knows the hurt of the sinner and understands what chains burden him and lead him to hurt others. Because God does not operate from an emotional position of offense, He sees the offender not according to his sin, but according to his inherent worth as Christ's creation-- God Himself chose to bring the offender into existence, knowing full well how he would hurt those around him.


Thus, to God the slanderer is known not as "gossip", but as "Child". The adulteress isn't known as "unfaithful", but as "My Beloved". How often do we believe that God calls us beloved, but that He calls the offender by the name of his offense?


I've found that even when I say that I believe God calls me "Lioness", I don't actually see myself that way. When I look into the mirror, I often first see "unfaithful", "bitter", and "self-focused". I had a dear friend on a trip to Asia that would often confess her sin to me, ending her statement with "But that's not who I am in Christ". That statement made such a deep impact on me. Even after all of the ways that I have hurt others and, more importantly, my Savior, He does not see me as an infidel. Rather, He sees me as His sweet bride, restored to holiness by the blood of a spotless Lamb that was shed on a cross.


I often wonder why God won't make me understand Jesus's message of radical grace. It really makes no sense from a human perspective: Why would you forgive someone who hurt you? But this struggle between what I expect God to say and what God actually says is perhaps the most beautiful aspect of our faith, for the story doesn't end like we think it does. In our storybook, the wretched offender, with his tucked-in elbows and his shameful tremble, is sentenced to a lifetime in prison. However, when the sinner cries on the prison floor in God's story, something completely unexpected occurs:


The door starts to rattle, shaking with the sound of the very footsteps that were heard processing into the courtroom. A great expectancy fills the room as the Most High Judge enters the prison, not to condemn the oppressed, but to free every sinner. Jesus Himself comes one-by-one to each prisoner, lifting every shamed-filled eye to meet His gaze of love.


"You are mine," He whispers. "I have placed my seal on your heart and have prepared a new life for you. Come away with me."


Dreamy... It sounds like a storybook ending, doesn't it? Thankfully, this is not a fairytale! Rather, this is the very message of Jesus Christ, our last saving grace; once more, this freedom is not the end of the story. The reason Jesus comes to free us from the prison is because He wants us as near to Himself as possible. Forgiveness is just the introduction to a very thick storybook. This Easter, let's arise from the prison. Instead of tying to drag those who hurt us down into this dingy place, why don't we step into freedom together? Mother and daughter, brother and sister, friend to friend. There is a blank page awaiting us.

On the Cusp of Adventure

I heard someone say today that following God means embarking on adventure. How true that is! I think about my life with the Lord, and I am bombarded by memory after memory of God asking me to do things that make me uncomfortable: Travel to Asia, perform with my dad's band, talk to the homeless girl on the street.  So many times I hear the gentle Holy Spirit asking me to do something, accompanied by a pit in my stomach. Sometimes I walk past the opportunity, knowing that God will forgive me (which is not good, by the way--just want to make that clear). And He does forgive me. But I think it makes Him kind of sad.

See, God doesn't put opportunities in my path as some kind of exam that I have to pass to be a true Christian, although I approach it that way sometimes. I think He genuinely wants to bless me. However, the truth of His grace and selflessness makes me self-conscious and convicted. Sometimes the opportunities He places in front of me just reveal all the more how weak I am and how unable I am to lead a fulfilling life without God. So I turn my face away and speed-walk past the blessing. And I don't know what I'm missing.

Sunday night, I was walking to church when I saw a girl around my age asking for money on the side of the street. My heart instantly broke for her as I thought about how different our lives were. God asked me to go talk to her. I continued to walk. Eventually I turned around and headed back; I have ignored God in this department many times recently, and I wanted to finally obey. I began to talk to the girl, whose name is Nancy. She is such a sweet and genuine person. I could feel walls crumbling in my spirit. These people that we often treat as objects are real people. They have names. They have souls. And they have stories.

I started to realize how much my lifestyle has not been reflecting Jesus, the guy that spent most of His time with the marginalized and forgotten. There's a mug in the house cupboard that says "See and be seen". I feel like that is our ultimate desire as humans; we just want our presence to be acknowledged, and we want to be intimately known. Although I will never know Nancy as intimately as Jesus can, we can be friends. I can give her the gift of humanness and value her simply because God created her.  

Although I felt pretty unsure and uncomfortable when approaching Nancy, I was able to see God through the life of another person. I was blessed in my discomfort. I wonder what would happen if we set our fear aside and trusted that obeying Christ through the discomfort would result in breakthrough. Maybe we have been praying for healing, and the answer is in a situation that we have been ignoring. Perhaps we are dreading going home because of conflict with our flatmate, and God wants to teach us humility through living with others. Or maybe we are dreading going to tutorials because we don't want to listen to a list of corrections to our essay, and God wants to show us that our worth is not in our work, and His corrections to our path are to strengthen us and prepare us for the future. God is one smart cookie, and He thinks ahead.

Lord, please open us up. Show us that there is no fear in obedience. Lord, You walk with us through every step of discomfort, You strengthen us to release our bondage, and You strengthen us to step into freedom. Reveal to us the truth about ourselves so that we can look more like You.

Amen.

Week 1, Oxford

Welcome to my travel blog. Many of you have visited in years past, trekking virtually with me around Europe and Asia. Well, we have another adventure, friends: Six months of study at Oxford University. I arrived in Oxford two days ago, only to jump right into the cultural and into academic obligations. 

The academics here at Oxford are organized completely differently than back home. We operate on a tutorial system. Basically, I meet once a week for eight weeks with a "tutor" (basically a professor or expert in the field). This is either one-on-one or in a small group. Prior to the tutorial, the tutor emails me with an essay prompt, about which I write a 2,500 word essay using a provided list of books. 

College organization is also different: Oxford is actually a town, in addition to being a university (or "uni", as the Brits say). The university doesn't have a specific campus. Rather, there are several colleges spread out all over the town that basically run themselves, most of which cater to specific courses of study (or majors, as we say). Each college has a library (or more), a dining hall, as well as some student accommodation and tutorial rooms/offices. There is also a quad (courtyard) in each college. I go to Regents Park College, which is rather small compared to some of the others. I'm told some colleges are large enough to encase a lake! 

I have the option of eating in college 3 meals a day for Monday through Friday. It is a really lovely set-up, as our college is very intentional about obliterating social hierarchy as much as possible. The tutors and faculty eat right alongside the students. It is often a very enriching academic experience, as the people here seem to be very hungry to learn and to share their research. At dinner time, it is family style, with the plates of food in the center of the table. It feels like one big family. Meal times are one of the most important ways to meet friends. 

(P.S.- the food is way better than certain cafeterias back home, which I will not name)

My first tutorials are next week, and I have an essay that is due Sunday at 4pm. I am to study how social and cultural changes affected the role of composers and musicians in eighteenth century society (among a few other facets of C.18 music, such as function of music and compositional output). So far, I am really enjoying the readings. I really love this system. In an orientation, I was told that the word "essay" comes from a French word which means "to try", so I should not expect to bring essays in that are publishing-ready. This culture is so anti-perfectionism, and it is water for the soil of my soul. It is clear that the goal is for me to enjoy the process of learning and pursue my interests in research. Finally!

As far as accommodation (they use this word instead of housing), I live in a really nice house with 3 other students and 1 site director. They are all lovely people, and I am enjoying getting to know them. I actually have a really  nice room to myself with an en suite bathroom and a window overlooking the street and a garden. I LOVE it! I plan on coloring some things to put on the wall to make it more homely. 

I have also come into contact with the Oxford Horn Choir, and my first meeting with them is the first week of February! They have opened me with open arms, and I am going to have coffee with one of the members on Saturday. 

Overall, I am very grateful to be here. I didn't really know what to expect coming, but this definitely exceeds my expectations. Before I sign off, I wanted to share a couple of amusing cultural differences. Also, sorry there are no photos. I am currently trying to figure out my SIM card situation, and my pictures are on an unactivated phone. 

First of all, there are many quirky exclamations that make me chuckle. I heard someone say "Crikey!" for the first time today. I didn't think people really said that; I thought we had created a stereotype. Apparently, I was wrong!

Biscuits are not biscuits; they are cookies-- but not soft, gooey cookies, like we all love. They are hard, crunchy biscuits (an Oreo is considered a biscuit). 

These people are very kind and polite. They also care about the welfare of the rats and hedgehogs, which I seriously thought was a joke, but it's not. Apparently there is a local rat expert who says that if the rats are healthy, then they will not spread diseases. As long as they do not enter the houses, there is no problem.

We walk everywhere. I walk 1.4 miles one way just to get to school. Then I walk all around the city center and down to the other side of town to the Music Faculty building. I can technically buy a bus pass, which I will do for particularly rainy days, but I enjoy the stroll. Good thing I bought some good walking shoes before I left!

Tea is a well-founded stereotype: there is tea at 11 and 4. I haven't gone yet, but I hope to be in college during tea time at some point. Also, don't drink tea at night, like I have done the past two nights. It causes difficulties falling asleep...

Well, that's enough for now! Who know how often I'll actually post, as I have many exciting things happening. 

Good'ay, folks!

Amy

Passport Trip: World Race Exposure, 2015

Hello, all of you wonderful people!

A huge opportunity has arisen me this summer. I have been accepted to join the Passport missions team through Adventures in Missions for the month of July. Basically, the passport team joins up with a group of young adults that are currently traveling 11 countries in 11 months on the World Race missions team. We will be joining them for the month of July in the country of Malaysia. I am SUPER pumped about this. I have spent the past 8 years dreaming of the day that I can live and work in Southeast Asia. Although I am not living there yet, I am excited to experience it for the first time!

I am so thankful to all of you that have contributed towards the cause. I pray that the Lord blesses you for your willingness to help fund my trip. The total cost of the trip is $4,000, and I have already raised $2,835! That's about 70% of my funds. I am selling T-shirts to raise money for my trip. Each t-shirt is $20, and they look like this:

If you would like one, you can order one through PayPal on the right hand side. I will need to know what size t-shirt you would like, so I will contact you to find out the details of size and quantity. I am ordering the super soft variety. :) If you are between sizes, you might want to order a size up, because they tend to run a little small.

If you would like to support me, but you do not want a t-shirt, you can donate through the PayPal button on the right. If you want tax credit, you can go to this website and choose the "Passport" option as the program, and type "Amy Melton" as the name of the participant.

Thank you for your prayers and support!

Sincerely,
Amy Melton

Oslo, Day 3

Hello!

We've had a bit of a mishap-- the hair mousse exploded and got in the laptop. Now it won't turn on. Prayers would be appreciated! For that reason, I am blogging from Dad's phone. I'll try my best not to let the quality suffer!

Today was a day that I have looked forward to for 6 months: a lesson with Frøydis! For those of you who don't know who she is, Frøydis is the former principal horn player of the Oslo Philharmonic and former teacher at the Norwegian Academy of Music. She is extremely well known in the horn community and is a fantastic teacher.

Some highlights from my lesson: it is important to buzz all major intervals both ascending and descending (half step, whole step, major/minor thirds, perfect fourth, perfect fifth). Wow. I struggled through that in my lesson. It's so easy to just follow the diatonic scale! Also, she suggested that my breath not be so loud. This is an odd concept for me to reproduce, but I totally understand how this distracts an audience from your solo. Also, I learned that Europeans like to play on the B horn almost all of the time. I was convicted to learn all of the fingerings of both horns in order to make educated decisions about which ones to use while playing.

This is just a taste of everything I learned!  She even gave me her book, which I was already planning on buying.  Here's a picture of us together:

She didn't want to stand up because she didn't want to appear as if the teacher was "looking down" on the student! How considerate! :)

After this, we walked to the train station to ride to Sandefjord, one train stop  away from the airport. The hotel was only a three minute walk from the train station! (A lot better than the thirty minute walk to the music academy this morning).

The hotel is really nice! This is a whaling town right on the fjord, so the hotel has the whaling theme. They were serving complimentary Norwegian waffles, fruit, and tea before a complementary dinner served later at night. We actually had a pretty full meal for the first time in a while. (Budget traveling means  less food while staying in expensive countries.) I had a salad and the best bread I think I have ever had. Norwegians love their bread! They eat it all of the time. Normally, I try to be gluten free, but I have made some exceptions on this trip. I also ate some pineapple and watermelon. You can definitely tell that Norway has strict laws on agriculture- no GMOs!! That pineapple was amazing! It tasted more flavorful than the bland veggies and rice I had at the train station.

After dinner, we walked to the train station to buy train tickets for tomorrow. Afterwards, we walked around. It's such a quaint town! Very few people were out and about. We walked to the pier, which was beautiful. Check it out:

 Their sewer is a Viking ship! 

A really cool rope at the dock that seems to be made of recycled material. These Europeans love recycling!

Jellyfish!

We passed some beautiful sights on the way there and back:

A fountain honoring the whaling tradition. Notice the full rainbow. 

A really neat community garden surrounded by very imaginative wooden towers. 

You can't really tell, but this is a green space with tons of flowers and a statue honoring motherhood. 

Tomorrow we get up at 3:45 to eat breakfast and ride to the airport. From there we fly to Amsterdam for a layover to Tallinn, Estonia. (Don't ask me why we fly so far I. The opposite direction for a layover...). I cannot wait! The trip is flying by. I have been missing home a lot, even wishing I could go home, but as the trip is 2/3s done and drawing to an end, I don't think I want to leave!

You probably will not hear from me until Wednesday. I don't think there will be anything to write about tomorrow!

Until Wednesday!
Amy

Tallinn, Day 5

Tervist!

What a day this has been! Thankfully, the day didn't start too early. Dad and I ate a snack around noon and headed to one of the main roads in Tallinn. The Song and Dance Festival, called the laulupidu, officially starts in one hour with 3-4 hours of singing. 

Leading up to the festival, however, is a 5 kilometer processional consisting of over 35,000 song and dance participants marching from the center of town to the festival grounds. Even more spectators lined the entire route, and the parade was broadcasted live on television. 

The parade started today at 2. Dad and I got there about an hour and a half early because we wanted a good view. After a long period of waiting, it finally began! There were all types of folk costumes. Traditionally, Estonian dress consists of linen and pleats, often with vertical red, yellow, and blue stripes. Both men and women wear head coverings, and the women often wear broaches and jewelry. Here are some pics:

The official laulupidu Toyota. 

A cameraman on a Segway with no handles!

 The beginning of the parade.

Hirvo Surva, artistic director if the festival. 

A choir from California. 

The poor guy has no lyre...

Asian women watching the parade. 

There are many children's choirs here. 

Parading on a penny board! :)

I am currently waiting for the festival to start. I decided to go ahead and blog because I won't get back to the room until after midnight, and I have a press breakfast to attend in the morning. There are TONS of people here! Even more than Independence Day in Peachtree City. Here's what it looks like right now-- and not everyone is here yet!

Lady from Setu tribe. 

Many people eating at stand-up tables. 

Finding our seats. 

See all of those people on the hill? This pic was taken two and one half hours before the concert, and the hill (general admission and cheapest tickets) was not even full yet. We are in the fourth row. :) Here's our view:

Alright. I will catch you up later! Tomorrow is 7 hours of festival, so I might have to catch you up after the festivities are over. 

Until sometime soon!

Amy

Tallinn, Day 4

Happy Independence Day!

Though it's a little odd celebrating the 4 th of July while researching another culture, I am thankful for my roots in a nation free from political oppression. We are so blessed! While my calling will take me thousands of miles away from home, I will never forget my country. 

We began today by shopping for souvenirs-- again! Hey, don't give me that look; we want the best prices. It's amazing how much cheaper souvenirs are when you walk a few blocks off of the main street. We decided on some really nice embroidered silverware settings that have pockets for all 3 utensils and say Tallinn on the front. I also bought a linen dress and embroidered belt (an Estonian specialty). I plan on buying some CDs of folk music from the local music store. 

At this point, Dad and I split ways (we wanted to eat different food for lunch ;) ). I returned to Vegan Restoran and ate their famous chickpea burger and sweet potato fries. It was glorious and filling! The burger was smothered in a mayonnaise-esque sauce, but it was so much better than mayonnaise (I have never liked the taste of mayonnaise!). 

Sorry- the lighting is bad. 

I was supposed to meet Dad at the McDonalds, so I took a dessert to-go (or takeaway, as they say in Europe): a chocolate muffin with strawberry cream. In my travels to meet Dad, the poor muffin suffered some battle wounds to the pillow of cream:

It still tasted good, though! :)

Dad and I met up and used our Smartcard, a reloadable transportation card, to ride to Kalev Central Stadium for the dance festival. Here's how I describe the experience:

WOW!!

Multiple thousand folk dancers danced to live music, with even more thousands of spectators watching the celebration. I was thoroughly impressed: their lines were crisp, and they were very confident in their art, from the seven year-old all the way up to the man in his seventies. I know some marching bands that could take some lessons from them! Here are some pics:

After this, we chilled in the room and then returned to the song festival grounds for instrumental rehearsals. There was a huge wind band of international students and adults. I would guess that there were over 800 instrumentalists! They were playing arrangements of Estonian folk songs. 

Now that's a horn section!

Fun fact: Dad talked to this man about the piece he conducted, who directed him to the composer. The composer arranged the piece especially for the festival. Dad wants his band to play it, so the composer is connecting him with the Song Festival Foundation, who published the piece. Wow!

At this point, it was 10 o'clock pm, so we headed back to the hotel. 

Here are a few tidbits of info to share:

In Europe, most stores have revolving doors, and they are rather large!

Check out these "American" specialties found in grocery stores:

I opted for European dark chocolate with bits of orange instead...

Check out the parking stick at the Estonian Opera:

Love this!

We also found a memorial on the outskirts of town that is dedicated to the victims of a ferry accident:

Some pretty sights around town:

Giant concrete birds: the Estonian way of keeping cars off of pedestrian areas. 

The bus terminal.

Patriotic public transportation and drivers without uniforms. :)

And now, I have been waiting to show you pictures of our hotel room. Our hotel, the Gotthard Residence, is located in the heart of Old Town, and it was built in the 14th century and renovated in 2012. We are in the basement, but our window looks onto a neighbor's roof because of the slope of the city. The hotel throws you right into the middle of the Middle Ages. 

The climb to the basement. 

Doorway height in the basement! I guess I would fit in during the fourteenth century. :)

Our beds. 

Bathroom. 

Shower. 

Nook in the bathroom. 

The window in our bathroom. Hope there's not a fire!

Tomorrow, a processional starts off the official song festival, followed by 4 hours of singing. I hope to get a few more interviews and observations. It's going to be a long day! 

Until tomorrow!

Amy